What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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