Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
