Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize