my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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