i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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