This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he thought i was a dude.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
