my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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