I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
50% drunk capacity currently
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your penis caused this!
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