I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
