I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
