just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
