Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize