ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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