Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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