if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
