I can't watch pbs sober anymore
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
