Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
