Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
