I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
