I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
