so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
