There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
