he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
