sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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