Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
