when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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