JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
