Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
