the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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