got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
