went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
