I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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