Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
