went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
