Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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