Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
