I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
