so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
