I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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