Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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