You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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