Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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