the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
