Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
