So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
