eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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