u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This baby is an asshole
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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