the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
