I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
