If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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