Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
