i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
