My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
