He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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