You work out of a Hotel?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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