So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
