how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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