Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
