What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
