you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
