I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
then he tried to convert me to islam
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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