GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
