just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I believe in your delicious
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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