i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
