Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
