remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
