Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
