So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
