you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
