What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
