tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
