What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is my gift to your gina
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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