I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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