Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
