i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
