i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
