I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
