I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
