White coat. Heels.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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