I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
