With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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