it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
