I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
