I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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