I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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