I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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